Well, today is my birthday… my 35th birthday to be exact. Or as I like to say, the 10th anniversary of my 25th birthday.
Birthdays are a good excuse to wax introspective, so here goes…
It is absolutely crazy to me that I am 35 years old. I do not FEEL 35 at all. In fact, in many ways I feel younger than I did 10 years ago. When you’re 25, you’re still trying to figure a lot of things out, figure out where you really fit in life, what your groove is and how you can lock into it. At 35, I still have a lot to learn but I also have a lot of life under my belt. I know more about what I want and what I don’t want than I did 10 years ago. I know much more about who I am and who I’m not than I did 10 years ago.
The past several years of my life have been an absolute whirlwind. In all my wildest dreams, never did I imagine that my life’s journey would ever look like it has. Not only am I grateful for every amazing high point, but I am also learning to be grateful for every reshaping low moment. I’ve learned more form my losses than my wins; more from my pains than my joys. I didn’t ask for any of this, but yet here I am… and I am a better man for it.
The picture above was taken when I visited the Grand Canyon with friends in July, 2007. I wanted to press through my mild fear of heights, go out as far as I could and sit on the edge of the canyon… so I did. I remember sitting there, feeling the dawn of what felt to be impending transition, wondering what might be next, looking out across the vast expanse of God’s canvas, seeing his masterful and purposeful hand at work in the smallest of every detail. Five weeks later, I lost my job and got thrown into what can only be described as beautiful chaos.
Looking at this picture brings back all those memories and emotions, and in many ways, what you see in this picture is what my heart feels right now. I’ve pressed through so much to get to this moment in my life, but I am not looking back. I feel I am sitting on the furthest edge of everything that has brought me to this very moment in my HIStory and looking forward. And my heart is in very much the same place that I was physically almost 3 years ago… feeling the dawn of transition, wondering what might be next, looking out across the expanse and wonder of God’s world and seeing his purposeful hand in every single detail of my life.
I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:8-11)
I would not trade my journey for anything in the world. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many friends and loved ones whose friendship and close fellowship has deepened my life and made me a better person, shaping me daily into who God created me to be. I don’t know what’s next, but I’m ready for it. God has been faithful and He will be faithful still.