this_guy1

This Guy

It is 5:17am and I cannot sleep. Ugh.

As I’ve been walking out this life/heart overhaul journey, the past 4 months in particular, I have been learning a LOT about myself and what my heart is prone to reach for and bow to when the heat is on.  I’m going to be honest with you.  When the end of the month rolls around, I find myself getting nervous, not sure how it’s all going to come together, not sure if I’ll be able to pay my rent, worrying about finances.  These end-of-month times are a reminder to me that I haven’t yet let go of as much as I sometimes think I have.  It’s a reminder to me that I’m still looking around me, trying to figure out how to make it happen, instead of looking up and fully trusting that God is going to take care of me.

I STRUGGLE with that.

There are several times in this season when I’ve had to ask friends for help, sometimes even to take care of the smallest things.  And I have HATED it.  Each time, it has been preceded by a fierce battle with my pride.  I know I have people in my life who love me, and who are more than willing to do whatever they can to help.  But the truth is, in my heart, I’m so afraid of being “that guy.”

You know “that guy”…

“That guy” who never has it together…
“That guy” who always needs something…
“That guy” is always asking for something…
“That guy” who can never seem to make it work…

Oh my God, how my pride has kicked and screamed.  It’s almost like taking the ring from Gollum. (If you haven’t seen or read Lord Of The Rings you won’t get that reference). My heart has battled within itself over my reality versus what I want to portray as my reality.  There is a scene in Lord Of The Rings where Gollum fights the internal war between what his pride tells him (which is not true) and what he knows is the truth.  It is a nasty, schizophrenic battle.  I know I’m not the only one who watches that and knows exactly what it feels like to fight that battle.

My heart loves to glory in the image of not being “that guy”.  Yes… “we wants it… we needs it… my precious…”

I told a friend yesterday that I am realizing the implications of my pride in this area.  I’m learning that there is really nothing that separates me from “that guy”, and who am I to think I’m better than being perceived as “that guy.”  Sometimes the only thing separating us from “that guy” is a phone call… a decision… a layoff… a divorce… just… life.

The truth is, I AM “THAT GUY”…

I am “that guy” who still doesn’t know what it looks like to really trust God for what he needs…
I am “that guy” who feels like asking for help means I’m not trusting God…
I am “that guy” who doesn’t want you to think I am “that guy”…
I am “that guy” who lets his pride win but his heart lose…

But…

I am also “that guy” who is a son of God (Romans 8:15)…
I am also “that guy” who is the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21)…
I am also “that guy” who has God’s power working in me (Ephesians 3:20)…
I am also “that guy” who is never separated from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39)…

What has two thumbs and needs a healer for his heart in the worst way? THIS GUY.

Are you “that guy”?


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Grant JenkinsThis Guy
18 comments
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maestas
maestas

i needed this today brother. thank you.
My recent post I’m pulling my courage out once again

maestas
maestas

i needed this today brother. thank you.
My recent post I’m pulling my courage out once again

Gina Burgess
Gina Burgess

What a blessing the lessons you are receiving from God Almighty. Praise Him that He is still perfecting His work, AMEN! You struck a chord in my heart and I am in harmony with you. Just remember He has never ever failed you! He never will.

Jessica
Jessica

im that girl! Great post!

Marianne
Marianne

Thank you for your comment on my blog yesterday (or today?)! Isn't that prayer beautiful? I have a feeling it applies to so many people's lives. Hope you find peace and solitude soon.

God Bless,
Marianne
My recent post Life Update

chrystiecole
chrystiecole

Thanks for stopping by my blog, Grant. Likewise, this is the first time to your blog. I really enjoyed this post. I have often felt like that girl. Your reference to Gollum was a great illustration. I love that trilogy. I enjoy open, transparent posts that share struggles. I especially love how you ended it with truth. And, by the way, your blog name is awesome.
My recent post Worshipping In Truth

Tony York
Tony York

I have read several of your posts and I love your honesty and transparency. I am glad that I clicked on the link and read this post because you put into words what most men are afraid to admit.

I believe that God wants us to be 'that guy' who needs to rely on Him.

Praying for you (and me) to that guy who can be used because we have let pride take a back seat and instead let God do His work in us.

JuliaKate
JuliaKate

i read this post this morning... around 6:30am west coast time. my eyes were half open, but i squinted because i needed to read it. one of the most said phrases in my head, besides "what the hell", is "i don't want to be THAT girl." it seems to be my motivation to stay "cool, easy going, calm, rational, spiritually grounded, loving, patient, forgiving, gracious, generous..." you know, all the things that make a girl AWESOME and lovable.
but i am also that girl that needed to borrow grocery money from a friend 6 months ago. i am that girl that wanted so badly to return rudeness for rudeness to an antagonist on FB today. i am that girl that lied about why i was 5 minutes late to work yesterday. and i am that girl that avoids making FB posts on weekend nights so that the world thinks i'm busy and "living the life".
i am hopeful. i am happy most of the time. i'm excited about my future. i am progressing. i am growing. i am content with the turn my story has taken. but last night i drove home from a birthday celebration & i stated out loud... i don't want to be single tonight. most days i don't care. i don't complain. but last night i cared. i stated my desire. i almost didn't let myself say it, because i didn't want to be "that girl" that complains about single-hood & is desperate for partnership, but this wasn't about complaining or desperation... this was about honesty in the moment.
i am moving towards this: being that girl that's honest with who i am and where i'm at. and being that girl that's grateful that God hasn't given up on her. this is the best i can do for now.
p.s. i heart gollum!

Kenny Silva
Kenny Silva

You're also "that guy" who has helped coach me through some tough faith/heart issues.

You're "that guy" who helps me walk the straight path daily.

You're "that guy" who inspires people every day with your unfiltered transparency.

Don't let the the perceived imperfections discourage you. True success is preceded by failure upon failure. With each test, we grow stronger. I'm right there with ya, brother.

Makeda
Makeda

You brought tears to my eyes tonight as i read this post because I can relate so much to being "that guy" (even though I'm a girl - hehe) "My heart has battled within itself over my reality versus what I want to portray as my reality." - this line was such a kick in the gut for me because I'm so prone to wanting to portray things as being different than what they really are. I know its my pride winning but I still let it win way more than I should and I don't want to keep hiding. I know I say this every time I comment on one of your posts but Grant you really are a courageous man of God. Your vulnerability and courage are such an inspiration. Your post push me and challenge me to let go of my own pride and just own where I am so real healing can begin. Thank you for being such a great example.

BTW, I'm a HUGE LOTR fan. So much of those movies can preach :-)

Ani
Ani

While reading this my heart was aching.

On the part not asking help has been an issue of mine. But I don't think it was because I didn't trust God? I just didn't know how to ask for help. I had to learn to survive on my own since I was a little girl because of the circumstances at home. The few people around me now who I trust told me it hurt them not asking help. It meant like not trusting THEM! So now I do share my sorrows/issues/problems/fear. And you know what? I found out I can't do it without them now. We need each other. And their prayer too, which is very important to me. Maybe for a guy it's different. It shouldn't be but I guess it feels that way to you.

I wasn't my intention to write more but I'm trying anyway. When I read this blog a second time I was thinking: Hey, he is wrong about himself.

You DO know what it looks like to really trust God for what you need otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation. You would go your own way but you don't. You wait and trust in Him. Maybe you compare yourself to others who walk and talk different than you with God. Well, you' re another person, unique in your own kind so you have a different relationship with God. But that doesn't mean you don't trust Him. So keeping that in mind, asking help doesn't mean you're not trusting God because you do trust Him.

You think that people think you're that guy. What if you were that guy? That means you are just like any other guy or girl. That means that you do understand the most people you meet. God can use you for that later when you look back and be amazed. And about letting your pride win but your heart lose? You should hear me sigh now. I guess everyone will when they read your blog because they understand you. That's the struggle we all go through. The thing is you know now. You didn't acknowledge that before.

I know this will not help your end-of-the-month problems or any other problems. All I can say is ask prayer and wisdom in this. Ask everything from God. Tell Him everything really, everything. Just talk to Him. I'm no good with scripture. You are. And I love that. I just want to say I love that heart of yours. If I do, He definitely loves you and your heart. Not despite of, but with your doubts, fear, maybe stuborness and your pride. He loves you with all of that. He will use that for the good. Before you can bear fruit the Farmer has to prune and that cuts deep, very deep. It hurts. Ask wisdom and insight. Really, a girl wants a man who is wise. So work on that one with God. Wisdom is good for everything in life.

Me who is not good with scripture and don't know if it helps wants to try share some:

Rom 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

1 Cor. 10: 13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Hebrews 12: 3
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

As you already know I pray all the time. And you already know I pray for you. So when I don't write that down it doesn't mean I don't pray for you cause I do. Bye bye.
I've just been on internet to check something and found this blog but I'm leaving again because it's a national holiday here. Queensday. Celebration time. Yeah babeh!!!

JasonWert
JasonWert

I've been that guy for so long I should trademark the name and put it on T-shirts.

aboynamedtracy
aboynamedtracy

Whew, I'm so glad you're that guy, because I thought for sure I was that guy.

@patty_chou
@patty_chou

I'm in my late 20s and my parents still support me while I'm in grad school. Seems so "wrong (by society's standards)," but so right - I can ask my earthly parents AND my heavenly father for anything. Whether or not my requests are answered is another thing.

Andie
Andie

I am "that girl" ...

Who hates asking for help, but will do anything I can to help a friend.

Who hates to be perceived as a "over emotional", so I cry in the shower.

Who has more to say, but gets paid to watch two small kids & they need my attention right now, so I'll have to come back in a bit.

Just know you're not alone & your post blessed my day because I've been thinking a lot about perceptions lately.

Dusty Rayburn
Dusty Rayburn

Glad to know others are struggling in their transformation. Here's to being "That Guy"

Praying for you during these times. May God light your path and be Glorified in your life.

His Girl
His Girl

You are quickly becoming that blog I run to these days. I'm a single mother and so therefore I feel like "That Girl". No, not Marlo Thomas. I'm that girl whom our sunday school class can sponsor for the holidays or that girl who is in need of emotional help to get her kids through the teen years. I so can related to your wondering about if you are ever going to be that guy who can't get his act together etc. A few years ago I was laid off of a really good paying corporate job. Found another quickly but then I was laid off again. This time it took a year to find another job. A year of living day by day. We ate a lot of top ramein noodles. I also had to set my pride aside and seek help from others. I was cleaning homes when I could, taking care of the elderly and helping a friend at a consignment shop. I even had a pastor tell me I did this to myself. So I know what it is like to be in this place over a change of jobs. One can be this way over other areas of life and I really feel you have done an amazing job articulating this journey. Our God loves you so very much and he is definitely focused on you and forming you into a reflection of him.

jennyrain
jennyrain

Praying with you today brother...as you go through this... think on these things...
*you are becoming "that guy" that will inspire faith in others
*you are becoming "that guy" who is demonstrating authentic humility in a world of grab-and-keep mentality
*you are "that guy" who allows others to step out of their own self-induced-selfishness and have the blessing of ministering to you and thus learning the truth that TRUE joy is in giving
*you are "that guy" that God is grooming to be a teachable, moldable, strong man for your wife someday (because you are "that guy" who will be able to stop and ask for help with directions ((grin)) )
*you are "that guy" who is shining God's power SO mightily right now and you probably don't even know it :)

If I was near, as a sister in Christ, I would give you a big ole side-hug :)

God bless you brother. Know that as we are all watching this process in you - we are SO PROUD to know you are our brother in Christ. You can do this thing!